Posts by: dallas

Eff You Mountain Dew Blue!

moutain dew voltage

The iC’s were hoping to make the jump to the South by South West Media and Music Conference this year with one of our pics on our plate but no dice from the SxSW braintrust this time around. That’s too bad since we could have painted the town iC red (its the color you get when you mix blood, vomit and cherry Kool-Aid together) something like we did when we were at the Sundance Film Festival.

Anyhoo, I’m still petitioning to make the trip to Austin, but I’m hoping that a bigtime corporation will foot the bill since my rent money is late again. It turns out that PepsiCo is a bigtime sponsor of the conference and I just happen to use Mountain Dew Voltage as my substitute for water. At least I did until I decided to boycott Mountain Dew Voltage because they weren’t sending me to SxSW. Yes, I am retarded for staging a boycott, but that is what my mom calls me when I leave the basement to make a Ghetto Big Mac.

I’m hoping that enough of my friends will support this Mountain Dew Blue boycott along with me to convince the folks at Mountain Dew to send me and a cameraman to Austin to film the goings on. If Mountain Dew wants iC quality production then they only need to come up on some iC dollars. This is PepsiCo internets. These are the dudes that underwrote Shaquille O’Neal’s first rap album.

Sending some of us to film in Austin Texas >>> Kazam!
(^ and you know this maaaaaan)

* Monday Bonus * Monday Bonus * Monday Bonus *
DP x 40 Deez loose in the BX (<- that's the Bronx, but you knew that)

Time Is Money…

Damn it feels good to get back to work. In the blustery, brick ass winter we did what we do. We also did it in Manhattan which is the first time we got to use this boro as our co-star. As always though, the i.C.’s is a production unit that has to cross their fingers for it to all come together.

I called Caz in the morning to remind him to load up on battery power for the shoot today with the idea that we would have one of those marathon sessions like we did in Utah at the Sundance Film Festival. Caz informed me that Rafi would be late since he missed his scheduled commuter train. Out meet up time of high noon was pushed back to 12:30.

This was cool for me since I was leaving this brunch spot with my lady Chocolate Snowflake and I was overcome with an intense sense of the bubbly. I pulled up into the Brooklyn public library at Grand Army Plaza and found a secret bathroom perfect for deucing. I handled my handle and came out happy as a clam. Now on to Manhattan.

The subways are effed the eff up on the weekends. The lines get all criss-crossed with the different trains that share the same platforms. The eastside line is running on the westside, the local train is using the express track. It’s all a big clusterfuck for people who don’t live here in NYC and have to use the maps. I already know what to expect so I instinctively get on the wrong train because it will be stopping where I need it to.

Rafi arrived at the meet up spot (ROFLcon NY) earlier than expected and for the first time evar it was Cas who was on iC time. When Cas showed up he promised to foot the bill for today’s meal. Here’s the idea… Our time together is precious and valuable. We have to take that seriously and respectfully. Being on time is a sign of that respect for one another. Yeah whatever dude, we are getting free food. Cas knows how to dangle that carrot in front of Rafi and me.

Our meal was wild good too. We hit up this little BBQ spot in the Lower East Side on Orchard Street and then we returned to hang out with the ROFLcon folks. You may end up seeing a video somewhere on the webs with Rafi and I sandwiching ObamaGirl. It really happened. I was there. I seen’t it. We capped off the night by following Cas into a secret underground ping-pong lair where he summarily pwned us on the tables. Overall we had a great day that you folks ill be proud of at some point.

But mainly, the iNternets Celebrities got back into our New York groove…

CHEA We Can Believe In – Shirt and DVD for Sale

When I open up the iNternets Celeb iNbox one of the frequent questions I come upon is why did we adopt the name “internets”? The term internets is actually from a speech given by the soon to be former leader of the free world, global visionary George Bush. He among all people understands that the internets is simply a series of interconnected networks, MySpaces, YouTubes, and Facebooks that come together to make a web. The celebrity aspect comes from the fact that we present lifestyle trends that people are entertained by and enjoy following from Ghetto Big Macs, to bodega food pyramids to pissing inside of telephone booths.

The second question that I receive just as much is “what does CHEA mean?” This question is a little more difficult to answer because the answer doesn’t come from any one single place. Using part of the Eastern philosophy for overall well-being and our connection to this planet we extracted the pronunciation of ‘chi’, and then we took the great call to action and fruit-flavored deliciousness uttered by the ginormous Kool-Aid decanter “Oh Yeah!” we found ourselves at CHEA.

CHEA is the word ‘yes’ in exponential form. CHEA is using the force to levitate mini egg rolls from the kitchen to the couch. CHEA is hitting the winning three point shot at the buzzer. Over Michael Jordan’s outstretched palm. CHEA is you having a threesome with Jenny McCarthy and Pam Anderson. Ten years ago. CHEA is the act of sprinkling crack over the word ‘yes’. CHEA will get you higher than anything you have ever smoked. CHEA is magic dust. CHEA makes everything better and all you have to do is say the word. First came the word, and it was all good. My God says CHEA.

Hells yeah?!? No. CHEA.

In the spirit and celebration of CHEA we bring to you the inaugural iNternets Celebrities tee shirt – CHEA We Can Believe In

CHEA We Can Believe In T-Shirt

The shirt is available right now in sizes Small to XXL or sold as a separate item – in a more spacious 3XL.

Along with this newly minted tee we are also offering DVD’s collecting six of our favorite episodes. They have been rendered using high definition imprinting and will be totally and completely CHEA when you play them on your television.

Internets Celebrities DVD

Internets Celebrities – We Left Our Mother’s Basement is a DVD featuring the official IC videos: Ghetto Big Mac, Bodega, Cereal is Dope, Urine Nation, Checkmate and Futuristic Brunch. At $15 it makes a great stocking stuffer! (Also suitable for Hannukah, Kwanzaa and Winter Solstice.)

Let the iNternets Celebrities show you how to fix the economy for the new year. It all starts with CHEA.

BODEGA Is Interesting…

The iNternets Celebrities have been fortunate enough to have friends that recognize us for something greater than simply one-liners and well placed cuss words. We have always stood for something bigger than ourselves. A movement (gawd, I hate that word almost as much as swagger), or better yet, a lifestyle. We don’t simply strive to return our energy back into NYC. We want to give that shit to the world.

My homey from Desedo Films put me on to this one-day conference being held in New York City where a gang of nerds, tech geeks, economists, philanthropists and general do-gooders would be speaking about the things that were near and dear to them. I decided to attend and kick it to the congregation about the i.C. film ‘Bodega’. The genesis of this film is deeper than some folks might think. We really wanted to highlight the haves and the have-nots in the game of nutrition.

It is fascinating and ultimately sad that our film was shot in the shadow of the Hunts Point Food Market. The healthiest, freshest food in NYC comes through that hub. The folks in Hunts Point may not even have a clue. And on the other hand, they may not even care. After years, ne generations, of consuming foodstuffs at the bodega I believe we have lost all but the youngest of this community. Damn you and your tasty goodness creme-filled chocolate chip cookie!

I signed up to speak on this at the InterestingNY conference. There were a lot more folks than I expected and I even had the chance to feel the hot glare of a spotlight being cast upon me. Speaking in front of crowds is something that I generally don’t shy away from. I am a class clown at heart. I typically perform for Rafi and Cas. If I can make them laugh then I know I am onto something. The audience at InterestingNY didn’t stand a chance against my charm that had been practised first upon my my i.C. brothers. Here’ the clip of my presentation…

Dallas Penn at Interesting New York from David Nottoli on Vimeo.

There were some other speakers who really aced their time at the podium. You can check their vids over here.

Bodega Bodega Everywhere, Yet Nary A Quarter Water To Drink…

bodega

A shout out goes to my peeps over at Desedo Films as well as David Nottoli and the interesting folks from Interesting New York who put together a bomb ass single-day conference at the Fashion Industries Technical College in NYC. I was invited to speak to the gathering so I told them the story of our film Bodega.

Bodega is one of my favorite joints and it has single-handely bolstered the i.C. collective’s filmmaking pedigree on some national shit. I need to find out if there are some American short form doc film fests going down in Argentina. Bodega needs to go to Brazil. But before all of that happens bigscreen Bodega will be coming to an area near you.

At least those of you in Saugerties, NY.

After a successful run in the Newark Black Film Festival we are taking Bodega up to Woodstock for their venerable indie film fest.

Lick a shot Kingston.

Fuck Fear In The Ass…

I suppose I could simply co-opt the Nike slogan of ‘Just Do It’ since I shamelessly plug for their products on my own website, but the message I wanted to leave you with for the beginning of the week is more profound.

How much shit do we dream about and then ultimately leave undone because we were afraid of the result? Fear is a paralyzing motherfucker like getting Lime disease. I’m not talking about that shit you get from deer ticks, I’m talking about the shit you get when someone smacks the shit out of you with a pillowcase full of small green citrus fruits the size of golf balls.

I can’t front and act like I don’t be afraid myself. I am afraid sometimes of being successful. The biggest reward for hard work, for good work, is actually more work. Sometimes I’m afraid that I might just be good enough to do something for myself. Maybe those fucks that said I was a piece of shit were wrong after all? If they were wrong though I still have to work my ass off to keep their sneers on silent mode.

My homie Dart Adams sent me this link to an interview with maverick animator and filmmaker Ralph Bakshi that went down at Comic Con 2008 (look for the i.C.’s over there in 2009). Ralph Bakshi is a personal hero to me for his controversial film ‘Coonskin’. Also for the fact that Bakshi frequently says that Disney can suck his balls.

The revolution will not be televised. It will be podcast on a vlogcast via an e-mail blast. I don’t know all the technical terms for Web 2.735 I just know that I will no longer be afraid to command this medium. Fuck fear. Fuck fear in the ‘A’.

The iNternets Celebrities Are The Future…

The i.C.’s are the future party people, and the future is now.

Okay the future was then, but you missed it. Here comes the future again right now.

Damn, there it went.

You have to be on time if you want to be part of the future. In the following movie Rafi and I will travel to the future in order to de-segregate breakfast and lunch. Can’t we all sit together at the table of low nutritional value fastfood brotherhood? Hells Chea! But that requires that you get to McDonald’s by 10:55am. Right before the menu board is irrevocably switched from breakfast to lunch. Order your breakfast as you would like it. While you stand at the counter in the moments that will be required for your order to be completed, let’s call that the time-space continuum, place your lunch order.

You have just traveled to the future. It is a place where eggs come together with premium LUNCH chicken meat as well as Swiss cheese, Canadian bacon, French fries and a marvel of American engineering… Syrup-injected bread. This my friends is how you travel on an international spaceship. Don’t forget to add the premium honey mustard sauce to keep all the parts well lubricated and don’t you dare let anyone ever tell you how to eat your food.

You are from the future…

Motivation For The Unmotivated…

What it do internets family?

This is your boy here, D 2 tha’ P.

I hope you are all balls deep in some summer fun. Your balls, of course. [ll] to me referencing your balls.

The i.C. collective has been ruminating on which outdoor music festival we would fucks with this summer. The Brooklyn Hip-Hop Festival is on and popping again. I thought we did a pretty decent job covering this single day event by posting four (4) videos of our exploits there. My favorite joint was the final one titled ‘The Lost Tapes’. This is where I think you can really see how much love we have for this Hip-Hop shit. Plus, Rafi came off with the greatest line evar when he asked Killa Sha what he did for Traj Kadafi other than holding dude’s sacks [ll]. Classic.

With this event under our belt we trudged around Randall’s Island in a downpour to film the scene at the Rock The Bells concert. On that day the ‘i’ in i.C.’s should have stood for intrepid. The grounds were a fucking mess and the event organizers treated the press worse than the shit that was festering all summer in the gang of port-a-potties on the campsite. None of the difficulty in producing the video was evident and what you see are Rafi and I having the time of our lives enjoying the soundtrack to our lives while kids injured themselves mudwrestling and someone gets to smoke some good ass “white boy” weed.

You would have thought that we would be invited by either of these event organizers to return this summer and produce videos of these concerts that surpassed the quality of our previous work? You would be wrong in that thinking however. The iNternets Celebrities remain as the Rodney Dangerfields of this outdoor Hip-Hop concert shit. This lack of love from the event organizers had left one i.C. member a bit unmotivated to return to these events.

I can’t blame Rafi totally since I am the dude that said “Eff the Bklyn Hip-Hop Fest!” I found myself feeling a kind of way because of their previous swagger jack from i.C. material. I know who taught them dudes their language and I didn’t even get a Brooklyn Bodega New Era fitted cap as a thank you. Rafi feels that Guerilla Nation doesn’t represent or support that ethos by not recognizing our transcendant guerilla filmmaking.

At the end of the day we are both correct. Our love for the subject matter was never based on profit. We cover these events because we love this music. Sometimes though we have to use tough love even if it breaks our hearts so that we don’t contribute to the bottom lines of the vultures that are picking at the bones of the Hip-Hop carcass. I would love to cover the Brooklyn Hip-Hop Festival and the Rock The Bells concert in true iNternets Celebrities style with all access press passes that allowed us into the craft services area and the hooker bus. But alas my friends, not this year.

However, our outdoor concert season isn’t totally fucked the fuck up…

Video Music Box 25th Anniversary Concert

Now what I need y’all to do is to tell Rafi that you demand we attend this joint.

Checks In Full Effects…

The e-mail threads go back to September of 2007.

“Let’s make a movie about check cashing joints. They’re as ubiquitous as bodegas and they do as much harm.” – Casimir Nozkowski

“I can relate. Even though I knew it was senseless, when I needed fast cash I used them” – Rafi Kam

“Let’s go in, even though I hate check cashing joints because they remind me that I live in poverty” – Dallas Penn

This is essentially the thread that began the odyssey of our latest video. We wanted to document the economic lifestyle of the people that used check cashing joints. Why do these places even exist? Don’t the people that use them know about banks? Why would anyone pay someone for their OWN money?

I think we answer the questions above a little more clearer. Commercial banks don’t exist in the ‘hood. People with no money to save don’t need them. What they need is a facility that gives them the cash they need to buy their groceries, pay their bills and copp their drugs. Poor people need cash. It keeps them on the economic grid. What is more patriotic than going into debt? Our government has a zillion dollar deficit. If they can do it why shouldn’t the backbone of America also follow suit?

We vacillated on whether check cashing joints were really the devil in disguise. For many of us there are no other optiions. These establishments aren’t here to help poor people gain economic stability. They are here to provide a service and for that service they extract their blood, just like any other service that is contracted to the poverty class. Just be aware of that when you step inside of those doors.

If you enjoyed ‘Bodega’, you will love ‘Check Mate’. Speaking of ‘Bodega’… join the iNTERNETS CELEBRITIES in July for the Paul Robeson Awards of the Newark Black Film Festival. ‘Bodega’ was awarded the judges honorable mention for short form documentaries.

‘Check Mate’ was directed and edited by Casimir Nozkowski
Camera work and graphics from Ian Savage
Even more camera work from Josh Weisbrot
Music by El Keter
A special Chea goes out to Ben Popken(consumerist.com)

Rafi Kam and Dallas Penn bring the goodness

Lost & Found…

After the iNternets Celebrities returned from the Sundance Film Festival we were inspired to cover other events with our lens and our perspective. The first major summer event of 2007 was the Brooklyn Hip-Hop Festival. In a newly gentrified neighborhood underlooking the Brooklyn Bridge we gathered to watch a few artists from borough of Kings and some artists from other places spit their hot shit.

Unlike the film series that was created by our weeklong experience in the Utah mountains, the film set for the Brooklyn Hip-Hop Festival is the product of a single day of shooting. I give a lot of credit to Terrence Elenteny for finding the material in several hours of tape to create these films…

  • Outdoor Concert DOs and DONTs
  • Free Shit

    • But I also need to shout out Cas and Rafi for being hardbody filmmakers who braved the oppressive 175 degree heat sunshine to remain at the festival until the very last minute.

    My favorite video in the series was titled ‘The Lost Tapes’. Terrence and Cas describe the serious aspect of Hip-Hop in this video as they show the business people as well as the artists that encompass rap music. Inside of this video is a line from Rafi that has fully described my feelings for appreciating rap music – discerning. The other truly classic moment in this video is Rafi’s interchange with QB emcee Killer Shah.

    What I always find to be sort of remarkable is the fact that I only see Rafi and Cas on days that we film, yet we never have too much of a problem finding our rhythm and speed after we give each other pounds [ll]. I’m still not sure what the future holds for the i.C. movement, but I will always enjoy watching the exploits of discerning Hip-Hop fans.

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