Posts by: dallas


Thank GOD for Hip-Hop and the fact that it has created a Bizarro world for adjectives and sensibilities. Bad is now good. Church is now a place you want to go. The ‘N’ word is now a term of endearment. And pimping is now something we all should aspire to.

The night that we shot ‘Sidewalk Pimping’ we initially had no intention of making a video. I met with Terrence, our infamous editor, on Broadway in SoHo, New York. The mission was to go inside of the Puma sportswear flagship store for their debut promotion of the Puma x Yo! MTV Raps collaboration of items honoring Hip-Hop icons Doug E. Fresh, Big Daddy Kane and MC Shan. What the fuck was I thinking? I haven’t owned a pair of Puma in over three years ever since I sold my used mint green ‘Californias’ on eBay to some kid in San Francisco.

Let’s face it, Pumas are for fags, but this party had an open bar and a performance from Black Moon. The only problem for us was that we didn’t have the props. The tight track jacket dude at the front door had hate in his eyes behind his big ass shades. Lucky for us Terrence’s day job was nearby and he had a digital camera stashed up in the spot. What followed was the documetation of how to enjoy your ‘iNTERNETS CELEBRITY’ status outside of your parent’s basements. Going inside that party might have been fun, but standing on the sidewalk was way more entertaining.

Most people in New York that go out to nightclubs don’t drive their cars since 1) they don’t own cars, 2) they can’t afford the cost of attendant parking lots and 3) you can’t get truly twisted from the open bar when you have to be concerned with driving home. Access to the open bar party on a Friday night in NYC is like hitting the lottery. So just like the lottery there will be a lot of losers standing on the sidewalk. In my mind these folks are really the winners.

‘Sidewalk Pimping’ is just like parking lot pimping. People sell their homemade CD’s, beautiful young women stand on line like silent high-end fashion store mannequins while some fellas try to align themselves with a group of ladies to co-sign their entry into the club, and someone needs to describe all this madness for the masses. During our evening of sidewalk pimping we talked with rap music legend Ed Lover, the dude that deejayed for Kid ‘N Play, the Retro Kids (or a somewhat bootleg version) and we even scored some audio from a songstress inspired by Amy Winehouse.

‘Sidewalk Pimping’ runs the gamut of celebrity status. The Has-Beens can party with the Never-Will-Be’s while on the sidewalk if only for at least a moment. This is American democracy at its finest. That is why sidewalk pimping is so icy.

And so i.C.

How to pitch a movie about cereal

Cereal Is Dope was definitely a fun movie to make on my end. Casimir (and Terrence) typically do all the hard work like culling together clips from the hours of footage that we shoot. For Rafi and me the hardest part of the project is pitching the idea to Cas. We have to find a way to endear him or excite him on the subject before he will even consider shooting the movie. For Cas the editing process begins before the tape has even started rolling. The real question is… Why would anyone even want to watch this shit?

The following clips were my pitch to the i.C. in the attempt to have our cereal movie produced. Now if you had seen these first would you have wanted to go ahead and shoot the movie?


What is good party people? Aww ish, we are about to drop another heat rock on the asses of the masses. This next film is called ‘Cereal Is Dope’, and it takes you into a supermercado with Rafi and I as we shop in our favorite aisle.

As you might imagine we fuel our madness with sugar and with beer, and sometimes sugar coated beer. Fuck the breakfast of champions, cereal is the dinner for losers, and the ground troops on the interwebs. You don’t want to have to put a delay in your downloading of illegal music or illicit pr0n videos while you wait the two or three minutes for something to heat up in a microwave. Who has that kind of time, plus who knows how to cook anyhoo? I sure don’t.

One of the first things that Rafi and I learned about cereal was the abundance of racist caricatures contained on cereal boxes. From Black smack junkies to Latino horse dealers and Colombian cocaine addicts, we had uncovered a veritable buffet of racist imagery. The next time I look at a box with Snap, Cracker and Pop on the front I will feel the sting of the master’s whip upon my back. I always knew that racism could hurt, but who knew that supremacy tasted this good?

Another thing that jumped out at us were the abundance of products that were now flavored with honey. Typically honey is used as a sugar subsititute, but in the alternate reality of breakfast cereals honey is just the vehicle to give you more sugar. It’s like turbo charging your breakfast, or sprinkling your weed with coke. What about pouring honey birch beer on your Honey Nut Cheerios? The iNTERNETS CELEBRITIES are the future like that.

So sit tight and get ready to enjoy a big salad bowl of cereal with the iNTERNETS CELEBRITIES

What Is An iNternets Celebrity?

Several people have asked me exactly what is an iNternets Celebrity? In this age of meta celebrity we find that people can be famous for whatever it is that they do well. Paris Hilton spends her parents money and often gets caught for driving drunk. Paris Hilton is a DUI Celebrity.

One of the excellent things about celebrity status is that it is easily commutable. One person can exist in various states of celebrity throughout their lifetime. Bobby Brown was once an accomplished rythym and blues balladeer, but now he is more famous for smoking freebase. Almost overnite he went from an R & B Celebrity into a Crack Fiend Celebrity.

In the case of iNternets Celebrities, there are millions of us, living in our parents basements, and placing ‘Do Not Touch’ labels on our containers of orange pineapple juice in the old folks’ refrigerators. Our porn collections are detailed and immense and most of us care enough about conserving energy that we shower only once a week.

I know what you’re thinking… This guy isn’t a celebrity, he’s actually a homeless bum. Well you’d be wrong about that because even the homeless have celeb status. It’s called Celebrities Without Windows.

Peep this video from fellow internets celebrity Mr. Pregnant as he explains in great detail what it means to be an iNternets Celebrity.

Video: Bodega

Was it all so simple then?

Bodega is a playful homage to the kind of corner store that we all grew up next to when we were kids in the city. As you grow older you come to realize that there are choices being made for you on a nutritional level due to your lack of options.

For some people the bodega represents the sole option of fresh foods in some communities. In the tragically impoverished Bronx neighborhood of Hunts Point there are fenced off warehouses and wholesalers that distribute fresh food and fish to the entire city. Meanwhile the residents of Hunts Point are relegated to shopping at bodegas.

For thirty years New York City has started, stumbled, staggered and swaggered its way into the paradigm American metropolis. The Bronx? Not so much. New York City has less respect for the entire Bronx County than it does for Jersey City. Still the Bronx remains. Still the Bronx stands. Still ready 24-7. Just like the bodegas.

1 2 3 Scroll to top