iNTERNETS CELEBS Keep It CeReal

What is good party people? Aww ish, we are about to drop another heat rock on the asses of the masses. This next film is called ‘Cereal Is Dope’, and it takes you into a supermercado with Rafi and I as we shop in our favorite aisle.

As you might imagine we fuel our madness with sugar and with beer, and sometimes sugar coated beer. Fuck the breakfast of champions, cereal is the dinner for losers, and the ground troops on the interwebs. You don’t want to have to put a delay in your downloading of illegal music or illicit pr0n videos while you wait the two or three minutes for something to heat up in a microwave. Who has that kind of time, plus who knows how to cook anyhoo? I sure don’t.

One of the first things that Rafi and I learned about cereal was the abundance of racist caricatures contained on cereal boxes. From Black smack junkies to Latino horse dealers and Colombian cocaine addicts, we had uncovered a veritable buffet of racist imagery. The next time I look at a box with Snap, Cracker and Pop on the front I will feel the sting of the master’s whip upon my back. I always knew that racism could hurt, but who knew that supremacy tasted this good?

Another thing that jumped out at us were the abundance of products that were now flavored with honey. Typically honey is used as a sugar subsititute, but in the alternate reality of breakfast cereals honey is just the vehicle to give you more sugar. It’s like turbo charging your breakfast, or sprinkling your weed with coke. What about pouring honey birch beer on your Honey Nut Cheerios? The iNTERNETS CELEBRITIES are the future like that.

So sit tight and get ready to enjoy a big salad bowl of cereal with the iNTERNETS CELEBRITIES

The shrinking of Rafi

I’ve been dieting for the past four weeks and have lost seventeen pounds in that time – going from 265 to 248 pounds. I’m hoping to break the Mendoza line by my 31st birthday in February. I haven’t been sub-200 since college. I did get down to 205 when I decided it was time to get healthy after my son was born in 2002 but in the five years since I had put it all back on plus some.

I’m really psyched about the weight loss and lifestyle changes that I think will keep the weight off but I hope this doesn’t ruin my credibility for our junk food videos.

We have two new videos coming out very soon (one on a great food topic) but both were shot before this transformation began. So don’t expect to see it this month. But an October project or two will reveal a slightly smaller Rafi.

On a related note, do you think Dallas and I should start video blogging in between our official video projects? I think we should launch an Internets Celebrity Fit Club and show those VH1 fools what’s up.

Brooklyn Hip Hop Festival: The Lost Tapes

When the Internets Celebrities cover an event, that event GETS covered. In the fourth video culled from our one-day shoot at the Brooklyn Hip Hop Festival, the Internets Celebrities put everyone from the weed carriers to the label owners on tape.

Bless the mic with the god: The Rakim Mash-Up

Damn you Rock The Bells press pass! You fucked up! You got the Internets Celebrites close enough to shoot a visually dope video of Rakim performing My Melody at Rock the Bells 2007 but ensured our audio would be absolutely unusable. The bass literally eats our camera mic, leaving in its wake a horrifyingly distorted audio track and us with half of something great.

So this is the Internets Celebrities solution: Take the great Kid Capri intro, the great streaky video of Rakim on stage and mash it together with the original audio from My Melody off Paid in Full. This sync will not fool you but the moments when it matches up are very satisfying.

Note the guy at the one minute mark who says “Fuck You” when we turn and film the crowd. He is now an Internets Celebrity.

Internets Celebrities ROCKed THE BELLS

Stop being racist, internets.

White hip-hop fans may be funny looking but they support Wu-Tang, share their weed and provide great entertainment in the form of mud-wrestling. And black guys do like Rage Against the Machine.

On June 29, 2007 the Internets Celebrities visited the amazing Rock the Bells festival on Randall’s Island in New York.

Dallas and Rafi mix it up with the crowd, check the scene by the port-a-potties and catch a performance from the god mc Rakim.

YOU’RE ON THE LIST: How to attend an Outdoor Concert Internets Celebrities Style

The Internets Celebrities are first and foremost bringers of knowledge. Having braved the unforgiving sun, the entrapping police and the paranoia-inducing contact highs of the Brooklyn Hip Hop Festival, The ICs here go through the DOs and the DON’Ts of successful outdoor concert going. Taped at the Brooklyn Hip Hop Festival in mid-June, this video speaks to all genres of outdoor summer concerts. Take the knowledge supplied here and apply it to an Incubus show in upstate New York, a Boston Philharmonic music festival on Cape Cod, a Cypress Hill summerstage show or any outdoor event where the food is overpriced and the undercovers are trying to get you to buy weed from them.

DO: Watch this video and learn from it.
DON’T: Hold your deuce in.

The Internets Celebrities are Dallas Penn and Rafi Kam
Directed by Casimir Nozkowski
Cinematography/Audio by Ian Savage
Edited by Terrence Elenteny

What Is An iNternets Celebrity?

Several people have asked me exactly what is an iNternets Celebrity? In this age of meta celebrity we find that people can be famous for whatever it is that they do well. Paris Hilton spends her parents money and often gets caught for driving drunk. Paris Hilton is a DUI Celebrity.

One of the excellent things about celebrity status is that it is easily commutable. One person can exist in various states of celebrity throughout their lifetime. Bobby Brown was once an accomplished rythym and blues balladeer, but now he is more famous for smoking freebase. Almost overnite he went from an R & B Celebrity into a Crack Fiend Celebrity.

In the case of iNternets Celebrities, there are millions of us, living in our parents basements, and placing ‘Do Not Touch’ labels on our containers of orange pineapple juice in the old folks’ refrigerators. Our porn collections are detailed and immense and most of us care enough about conserving energy that we shower only once a week.

I know what you’re thinking… This guy isn’t a celebrity, he’s actually a homeless bum. Well you’d be wrong about that because even the homeless have celeb status. It’s called Celebrities Without Windows.

Peep this video from fellow internets celebrity Mr. Pregnant as he explains in great detail what it means to be an iNternets Celebrity.

Brooklyn Hip Hop Festival Mixtape

The Internets Celebrities Mixtape is a new feature we’re going to be rolling out at InternetsCelebrities.com. Think of it as a video sampler, a pu pu platter of visuality, a cultural collage for viewing.

Essentially, we wanted to be able to make videos that offered a more raw look at cultural events the Internets Celebrities were attending while not worrying so much about unifying themes. In other words, we shot a lot of footage worth seeing at the Brooklyn Hip Hop Festival and just wanted to get it out there posthaste.

In the true Mixtape aesthetic, what it lacks in polish and nuance, it makes up for in timeliness and gruff enthusiasm. Look out for other IC Mixtapes coming soon. We’re going to be attending a lot of summer events and the Mixtapes will help us do them justice.

At the Brooklyn Hip Hop Festival, we chop it up with Saigon, Sean Price, Emily King and catch performances from Dres, Price, Jeru and Ghostface.

More Festival video coming soon.

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